Lifelong Love | The Ingredients For Love | Session 2
Marriage Retreat 2024 |Lifelong Love
Saturday Morning |Session #2 | The Ingredients For Lifelong Love
Lifelong Love – One man, one woman, one life time
Ice Cream or Gelato? There are key ingredients that make Lifelong Love sweet.
Biblical Models of Marriage: Lamech or Priscilla & Aquila
The Ingredients For Lifelong Love:
Honor God = Security & Stability
In Genesis, God, our Creator, sets up a plan for healthy rhythms & healthy relational boundaries.
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them…. God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.
so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy,
because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done.
…The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”
Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.
Genesis 1:27, 31 and Genesis 2:1-3, 18, 22-24
Commitment = Intimacy
“Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?
So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
Matthew 19:4–6
“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
Ephesians. 4:1
Consumer
“If you give me what I want, then I will give you what you want.”
Or
Covenant
“I’m committed to God and you forever – we are one – loving you is loving me.”
Constraint
“I’m stuck with you because …. I have to be with you.”
Or
Dedication
“I’m all in. I will put my energy, love, time & resources into us. I want to be with you.”
Generous Agape Love for One Another = Forgiveness, Grit & Character, Power
“Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love,
just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
Ephesians 5:1-2
Be committed to seeing Jesus formed in you and your spouse. Forgive one another. Lay down your rights!
Honeymoon, Wilderness, Everlasting Love
Martial satisfaction is higher in the everlasting love season than in honeymoon.
Agape love necessary to get to everlasting love!
Exclusive, Transparent, Curious, Thoughtful, Appreciative Intimacy = Passion
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity,
or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people…
Therefore do not be partners with them…. Instead, be filled with the Spirit… speaking to one another ..from the Spirit. from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything,
in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Ephesians 5:3-20
“For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”
Matthew 6:21
Obligation
Escape Resentment
Entitlement
What do you feel entitled to?
Communicate needs and wants.
What do you treasure?
“Emotional state, energy level and relational closeness predictors of desire in both men and women.”
– Givon & Rubinstein Currently Psychology Journal 2023
How am I inviting my spouse to enjoy the very good part (TOV) of our marriage?
Submitted Hearts to God and One Another = Trust
Submission – heart inclined towards the person’s best, being agreeable, affirming and willing to follow
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Ephesians 5:21
Our goal is to honor one another and God.
Peter and John faced down the Jewish authorities in Acts 4:19,
“Whether it is right in the sight of God to give heed to you rather than to God, you be the judge.
As for us we can not help speaking about what we have seen and heard.”
Sacrificial Leadership & Grateful Support = Friendship & Teamwork
“Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands. Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.”
Ephesians 5:22-28 (The Message)
Order is not value.
“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise.”
Galatians 3:28-29
Leaders delegate based on strengths.
In a partnership, we often take turns leading and supporting based on strengths.
The headship of Christ & Church and the church does not exclude but benefits a partnership.
1-10 “How important is this to you?”
Our Goal – collaboration to live out our individual and family calling to share God’s love, grace and truth.
Gratefulness and Awe for God’s Gift = Becoming One
“No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.”
Ephesians 5:29-33 (The Message)
Our goal is order and harmony and pursuit of mission – spreading the gospel.
“And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.”
Colossians 3:15
Mission Bigger Than Marriage = Legacy
“No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and His love is perfected in us.”
1 John 4:12
Great Commission
“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…”
Matthew 28:18-20
Great Commandment
“Love the lord you God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and love others as yourselves…”
Matthew 22:36-40
Priscilla and Aquila:
- The couple is mentioned by name six times in the New Testament, always together.
(Acts 18:2-3, Acts 18-19, Acts 26; Rom 16:3-5; 1 Cor. 16:19; 2Tim 4:19)
- Paul calls them his “coworkers” in preaching the gospel.
- Paul praises their willingness to risk their lives for him and the gospel.
Table Discussion:
- What is the one thing that stood out from this teaching that you want to remember?
2. Which ingredient do you think is essential to build love, joy and friendship in a marriage?
3. What we want becomes illusive when ….
4. What are your thoughts on consumer vs. covenant commitment?
What are your thoughts on dedication vs. constraint commitment?
5. Have you thought about the legacy you are building as a couple with kids and beyond kids?